The Road Less Travelled

You know I have heard that express a lot in my life... the road less travelled. And honestly I feel I have stayed off that road as it seemed a little dusty and unpaved. But at the ripe old age of 40 I guess I am feeling I am on the road less travelled. Or atleast on a journey of my own.
I never thought I would turn forty and make life changing decisions. I had dreamed about them, talked about them and even convinced myself that I was gonna do them one day. And then something clicked I started putting action to the words. And that brings me to the road less travelled... at my age anyway.
I am going to go back to school to get a degree in Early Childhood Education. OMWord. Seriously do i think I got it in me to do this? Do i think I can? One thing is for sure I can't fail. So weather or not I feel I do I can't let myself think I can't.
I can't get hung up on the fact I should have could have would haves or I will surely fail. I can't let the pressures of life get to me or I will surely fail. I can't continue to stress out about Zoey and her school or I will surely fail. I was told today I have come to far to stop now. God has blessed me, not necessarily the way I thought I should have been blessed but I HAVE BEEN BLESSED.
And the road blocks were set before me, some were bumps in the road but some were complete detours to different roads, which have lead me to the road less travelled.
I am feeling very overwhelmed. I keep wondering how I am gonna do it. I keep telling myself that I will be fine as long as I do three things: 1) keep God first in all things. 2) learn it is ok to say NO. and 3) know this is part of a plan to prosper me in more than just finances.
I can do this.
Here's to the road less travelled.

Weddings....ughhhh

i have not blogged in a long time.
No real reason other than I have been busy and not wanted too. i hardly get on the computer. i spend most of my time on the iPad. It's not easy to blog on iPad.

But i have to get it off my chest... i hate weddings and baby showers. And i seem to be surrounded by them this year. If its not my friends getting married its others on my facebook page posting pic. i am happy for them. i know they deserve to be happy but dang i feel it is a slap in the face.
 yea i know i have said ... i don't want to get married and i still stand by that. but i would like to have the option to change my mind.

i feel that my desires to have someone to love and to love is not important enough for God to fulfill. Why? i don't know. i really wish i did, because not being in a  relationship for almost eight years really sucks.  Alot. A Whole.

i feel i am undesirable. I am unlovable. If God didn't want us to have a earthly love He would not created it. Am i too fat? Am i too ugly? isn't there someone for everyone?

If i hear one more time that he's out there. just give it time. i am gonna scream.
because everyone around me has someone, married or dating. it sucks.

i have mastered being content by myself. and i guess i will have to master it for the rest of my life.
i have tried being optimistic and thinking that he is out there. ihave.  but i am tired,
tired of pretending i am happy for those who have found the right one, especially when i have been left out.

i feel bad zoey will never know what a real relationship looks like. she just knows what i had.
in 29 days i will be forty. and not much has changed this year. even after i declared this was my year for change. i haven't done much change... well i got fat.

should i i try to be optimistic? or except my fate? the lonely cat woman.
i really don't know what to do?
but i know what hasn't changed i still hate weddings and baby showers.